Are you the kind of person that gives and gives and gives? Do you find yourself pushing to do better, be better, perform more? I get it. On so many levels, I get it.

Maybe you’re running a business, or providing emotional support for a family that could crumble without you, or managing a high demand account, or raising kids, or trying to break through in a fast pace industry…Whatever you’re doing in life, it’s fair to say that it’s certainly possible to overdo it.

I know. It can feel counterintuitive to say ‘Make sure you give it your all…you only have one life to live’ and in another breath say ‘Make sure you don’t push too hard. Take care of yourself.’

So many times we struggle with finding a way to have it all. We want to perform at our best ability, but that comes with sacrificing other things that are important to us. And here is where the danger lies! If we can’t find balance we may never feel a sense of satisfaction, because something is always suffering.

And, if we don’t find a way to live balanced lives our bodies and brains can respond in negative ways. I see many clients who struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, depression, physical sickness, etc. They’ll see a doctor, and the doctor will tell them there is nothing physically wrong. When I see them in my office, I find that they aren’t taking care of themselves. Their bodies are telling them that they need care.

I like to challenge clients to care for their bodies and minds in the same way they would care for a family, business, social cause, etc. When we care for those things, we work to identify areas of need. We don’t neglect something just because it’s not screaming out in pain. We take care of the details. We make sure to plan to keep this thing going long-term. Let’s do the same for ourselves.

Here are some tips on taking care of you:

1. Identify your values and line your actions up with your values. Go ahead and pull out a pencil and paper……Okay so actually go grab them. Write down your top five values in life. You can go for ten if you need. Then begin considering if what you’re doing in life is lining up with your values. If not, can you reduce the energy you’re giving to things that do not line up with your values?

For example, if family connecting time is high on my list but I’ve been overly concerned about the house being clean to the point that I’m cleaning every night until 9pm, I’m not necessarily giving to my value. What if I decided that I’m okay with the house being a little messy? Maybe I decide to give 30 minutes to a fun family connection game every night. This may mean my house is 30 minutes messier, but it’s okay because a clean house is not really a high value of mine anyways.

2. Engage in activities that give your body calm and rest. This is a tough one for busy people. We struggle to take time for ourselves. We see the value in investing in our careers, our families, our communities, but we struggle to see the value in taking time for ourselves. How dangerous! If you’re important to your family, work, friends, etc. then your body needs to be just as important!

Ideas for feeling calm: take a bubble bath, meditate, exercise, yoga, play calming music, read in bed, get a massage, visit a calming friend, go for a walk, sit at the beach, hike in the mountains…

Ideas for rest: take a nap, get adequate amounts of sleep at night (8 hours anyone?), turn the media off (shut off the TV, turn off the cellphone…disconnect), take time away and to yourself (if relationships take a lot out of you, if people rely on you emotionally, then you may need to set aside some time to recharge without having to pour into others), take two straight days off of work (and don’t work), hire a babysitter, set up a space in your house that’s specifically designed to be your place of rest…

3. Care for yourself in small ways that make a noticeable difference. Maybe you can buy yourself a cuddly blanket. Get that new shirt you’ve been wanting. Style your hair in that way that feels great. Make yourself breakfast in the morning. Watch that show you love. Think of things you can do throughout your day that wouldn’t take a lot of effort or money, but would bring you some sense of joy or care or happiness or rest.

4. Set boundaries with yourself and others: Setting boundaries and expectations is a great way to care for you. Learn to say ‘no’ or ‘maybe’ if you aren’t sure if saying ‘yes’ would exhaust you.

TIP: If you set your boundaries and expectations ahead of time then you’ll be more likely to be able to set them in the moment, when the pressure is on. So, set up a schedule. Set up a routine. Communicate these with your families, friends, coworkers, etc. It can help to explain why you’re setting them so that they are able to respect your boundaries, but you don’t necessarily have to share. It’s up to you.

TIP: Practice saying ‘no.’ A lot of times verbalizing boundaries stresses people out. So, practicing what you will say and how you will say it can help. Find a trusted family member, or friend, or counselor who can help you practice. Staying calm, firm, and kind can help with say ‘no.’ Explore sentences that work for you. Options include: ‘I’m sorry I’m not available for that.’ ‘I apologize but I won’t be able to fit that in.’ ‘I’m sure it’s frustrating for you, but I cannot commit to that.’ ‘Thank you for the offer, but I’m going to have to say no. It’s a good one, but I don’t have room for it.’

TIP: Give things up that you don’t need to carry. That may mean turning over the responsibility of paying your bills to your spouse, or delegating tasks at work, or hiring someone to clean your house, or asking a family member to handle Thanksgiving.

TIP: Ask for help. If you need to keep certain tasks that are overwhelming, why not ask for help? If you struggle with this, practice asking with someone who can give you feedback. Let a family member, friend, mentor, or counselor help you explore ways you can ask.

5. Explore the ‘why’ of your struggles with caring for yourself. Are you struggling with feeling fearful about what would happen if you said ‘no’? Do you equate your value in life to how much you give to others? Do you struggle to release control? Why? Explore your why’s and then address them. Some may be valid. Some may not be valid. It can help to speak with a trusted family member, mentor, therapist, etc. in order to figure out what’s healthy and what’s not.

6. Meet your needs. Take time exploring which of your needs you are meeting and which needs you are not meeting. Figure out how to meet those needs in healthy ways. And, if staying busy is meeting a need, take a look at if you can meet the need without staying busy. Here’s an example. If I work hard and people praise me for it, then I feel validated. I feel accepted and loved. That may be a need of mine. If I fear setting boundaries because people won’t think I’m working hard and then will not accept and approve of me, then I may want to figure out how to meet the need of love, acceptance, belonging, etc. without overworking myself. Maybe that means connecting with family. Maybe that means making friends with quality people.

7. Do things that re-energize you. These don’t always have to be calming. Maybe you’re energized when you visit a new city, spend time with life-long friends, hang at the park, or learn something new. Do whatever energizes and inspires you to push further in your current life. This helps prevent burnout because it refuels you.

Self-care can be extremely difficult for adults. We have way to many stressors, way too many responsibilities….just way too much going on. But, self-care is vital. If you want to be around and fully engaging in the important areas of your life, then you need to take care of you. It’s just that important! Find a way to make your self-care a priority. Do it today!