Have you ever wondered why, no matter how good your intentions are towards a person, he or she does not appear to be appreciative of your actions? Have you ever thought to yourself, “I am doing the best that I can do and this person still has issues with me? This is likely due to a communication problem. The action that you have put a lot of thought into to show the next person that you care, may not be the best way to convey your message. What I mean by that is, even though you put a lot of thought in to it, the action may be one that if someone did the same for you, it would give you an overwhelming feeling of appreciation of love. But, for the next person, it means very little to them. For instance, I absolutely love receiving flowers. When I get them, I feel that whoever sent them, really gets me and is doing their best to make my day. However, if I were to send flowers to my brother, he would probably look at me like I had egg on my face. So, what should you do when you want to get on someone’s level and speak their language to effectively convey your message?

#1 Remove YOU, from the equation
True you will be the one implementing the good deed but, it is the other person with whom you are attempting to communicate effectively. So therefore, don’t even focus on what you might like. In fact, scratch your likes from the list of possible actions to engage in.

#2 Find out what the other persons interests and likes are
The other person may not like to have someone else do anything for them. In fact, they would rather you spend quality time with them watching their favorite t.v. show or have you show up for an event that is important to them. If that is the case, block out time in your schedule to participate in that person’s favorite activity. For example, if your partner is active in the city bowling league, lights up when they talk about it, and pouts when you don’t attend, then that is a “tip” that this is a way to reach them. So what do you do? Block your schedule and make sure that you show up at the next bowling event with your pom poms, ha!

#3 Know that speaking someone’s language is an act of love
In Gary Chapman’s books about the five love languages, he speaks about finding out what love language a person speaks is the key to cultivating any relationship. It doesn’t matter if the person is your partner, spouse, child, or coworker, knowing the most effective way to put a smile on their face and doing it will help facilitate a better relationship.